A Peak of Tempation

The following is an excerpt from chapter one of Hidden Temptation.

 

Odette hobbles onto the bus going away from the subway station toward her home. Its times like this she wishes for a boyfriend. Someone she could call to pick her up and take her home, wait for her, drive her to work to avoid dealing with public transportation and not be late. It would make life so much easier. But boyfriends are more trouble than they’re worth.

 

 

She had a boyfriend once and that was almost twenty years ago. Thurman Cross, he was the star player on her high school varsity basketball team. All the girls wanted his attention but he was attracted to Odette. She wasn’t a cheerleader, she wasn’t popular, in fact the only friend she had was Hymie Davis, and she didn’t meet him until she started dating Thurman. Hymie had a tendency to be annoying and didn’t know how to police his tongue and would say whatever came to mind. He often laughed and made fun of people which caused him to be bullied.

 

 

On this particular day, back in high school Odette was sitting alone, as usual, in the school cafeteria when Hymie ran in and crawled under her table. Thurman and a few of the other basketball players came charging in after him. When Thurman saw Odette he made a pivotal stop in front of her. “A . . . er did you see that little punk come running in here?” he asked.

 

 

Odette was about to take a sip from the straw in her chocolate milk. She glanced down at Hymie, his dark brown puppy dog eyes were looking up at her. His lips were bent down in a frown and his hands were pressed together in front of his face as if he was praying. He was silently begging please, please, please. She took a sip of milk to keep from smiling, brushed her flaming red hair away from her face to reveal high cheek bones with soft lips that matched the color of her hair and light brown eyes that twinkled. She smiled and said. “No I didn’t see anyone run in here.”

 

 

Thurman bent all six feet, six inches down to become eye level with Odette. He had long thick eyelashes and soft curly hair. Odette noticed when he smiled his teeth were straight and white with small gaps in between. She was in awe.

 

 

What do you think?

Does it need more work?

How are the tenses?  I tried to keep the present written with the present and the past with the past. How did I do?

I really value your opinion.

Almost Ready

Update on Hidden Temptation – I completed my current editing!!!  I have two friends reading and hopefully it will be error free.  Ha Ha!!!  Well if not completely error free at the least minimum errors.

 

I still have to write my dedication page, my acknowledgments, and work on the blurb for the back of the book. I wrote another one. If you don’t mind will you compare the previous one with this one and tell me which you think will pique interest. Or do you think I should keep trying?

 

Here’s a link to the original it was posted under What’s it All About?

 

Here’s the new one.

Odette mother and sisters would like her to stop dating married men and settle down. She believes married men are a safe venue until Oscar treats her like a whore and she takes advantage of his generosity.

Wilhelm is recently divorced and plans to use a lot of condoms. He’s using enough with Kia who is a nymphomaniac trying to seduce Wilhelm into marriage.

Odette and Wilhelm are attracted to each other but neither wants a committed relationship. Odette is indifferent towards him and he wants to add her to his list of sexescapades.

 

Disclaimer:  I completed Hidden Temptation, my first completed novel, and this blog is a humble attempt to create interest in its debut. I am not a professional and this is no way an educational guide.  I am merely sharing my writing experience, what I pick up reading other novels, and what I learn in the process of completing Hidden Temptation.

Set Back, Push Back, I’m Back

Greetings friends,

 

I apologize for not checking in before now.  On my main blog Silently Heard Once  I shared that I was in the hospital for a few days.  I posted A Whatever   it explains it all.  I don’t want to go into it on this blog because this blog is for Hidden Temptation not my personal struggle but my struggles with writing.

 

I’ve been in a bit of a funk since my hospitalization.    I sent a query and five pages of Hidden Temptation to an agent I decided to read what I sent.  I should have read it before I sent it because in those five pages I screwed up the tenses, bad.  So I’m editing again.  I have less than 100 pages to go.  But this has caused me to push back my release date.  I’m targeting April 30th.  That really a go day. Sad for me because in 1993 on that date my mother left this earth and my life changed.  Maybe releasing it on that day will be another life changing experience.

 

Dwight my artist who promised me the cover hasn’t started.  I don’t know if he will have something ready by then but it will work out.

 

I started writing a short story I posted on Silently Heard Once.  Please feel free to read and I hope you enjoy.  The Curse.

 

One more thing.  I found this group called meetup it’s finding events in your community that feeds your interest.  I’ve found writers in my area and can’t wait to start meeting and networking.

 

I Don’t Want to be Influenced

When I started writing Hidden Temptation I wouldn’t read any novels. I didn’t want to be influenced or accidentally plagiarize. I was and still am an avid reader. I thought I was doing the right thing. I still watched TV and movies. I couldn’t be influenced by them right. Yea I’m sure I could have been. At the time, I didn’t think so.

 

 
I wrote the first draft of a novel titled Ruination. I wrote that while I was working a nine to five job. I would come home from work lock myself in the attic and pound on my word processor until two or three o’clock in the morning. Then I would wake up at seven, I got the kids up for school, dropped them off then went to work, where I was able to steal a few naps. Shh!! I would come home and do it all over again. I was free to work on my novel non-stop. My ex, took care of the kids and house. I wasn’t neglecting my kids, well maybe a little.

 

 
Ruination was about a Post-apocalyptic world. The earth was destroyed by world war three and people were looting, hoarding food, and trying to get everything back in order. I never went back to edit. I have a copy maybe someday. However I believed I was influenced by Stephen King’s, The Stand. At the time, the movie had just aired on TV. I read the original book when it first came out and I read the extended version when that came out. I was a fan of Stephen King and I especially liked The Stand. The story was embedded in my head. Ruination was an original story but I’m not sure. I kind of filled in the parts that King overlooked. Maybe it was nothing like The Stand but I thought it was.

 

 
That was why I wouldn’t read anything when I started writing Hidden Temptation. Later I thought since I was writing a love story I’ll just avoid reading love stories. No problem there. I’m not really a love story kind of reader anymore. So why did I write a love story?  I read enough love stories in my lifetime and experienced a few love affairs of my own over the years. Write what you know!

 

 
I realize as I edited Hidden Temptation I was wrong. Reading books while writing may have helped me with my writing skills. I say that because I took a screenwriting class some years ago. The instructor gave us a movie assignment to watch. In the following class, we would evaluate the movie. In doing so we learned what worked and what didn’t. We were learning from watching, we learned what worked and what didn’t. The only influence I had was learning to avoid the mistakes and perfecting what was ingenious about the movies we watched.

 

 

To this day, I still watch the movie critically. When I read books I evaluate what I read. I still enjoy movies and books I read I just do so with a different eye.

 

 
As a result, I wrote two screenplays. One I sent to The Library of Congress to be copyright, I don’t have a copy. The second one was good but I got frustrated and tossed it in the garbage. I did that because the movie Click came out and it was about a remote control that transported Adam Sandler in time. My screenplay was about time travel but it had a different concept. The only thing that mimicked Click was the remote control, my screenplay used a beeper.  It was the 90’s we used beepers, car phones, as they were called back then, were for the rich.  I wanted my idea to be original. It was except for the remote/ beeper thing. Young and dumb.  However, I won’t share particulars because I might write the story again. I think the idea I had would be relevant today.

 

 
Do you avoid reading when you’re working on a writing project?

Do you think reading helps you become a better writer?

You Can Quote Me

I read somewhere that writers should avoid using cliques. I include quotes in that advice. That is unless your character speaks in quotes. That would be an interesting character. If you fancy creating someone like that in your writing feel free.

 

 

I think refraining from using quotes and cliques is a good idea. It’s my novel and I want my talent, my words to shine. One day I want my words to be quoted. Don’t you?

 

 

Before each of my chapters I have quotes that I got off the internet. I’m using them to give my readers an idea of what’s going to happen in that following chapter. I also have a couple of song quotes. Researching on Goggle I need permission to use the quotes and there are many exceptions. I got dizzy trying to figure out what is okay wand what is not. It depends on where you find the quote. Is it from a free domain site? Then it’s okay to use.  It also depends on the date of the quote. I read if the quote is over 75 years old it is safe to use. Another site said if the quote is written before 1923 it is no longer is protected by copyright laws. There is a catch, some old quotes, books, and songs can have updated copyrights. Then you will need permission.

 

 

Digging through 28 chapters of quotes to see if I can use them or where to request permission for all is too much work. I put a lot of work in writing and editing Hidden Temptation. I don’t need to do any extra so I’m deleting the quote and song references. Why don’t I take my chances? Because I hope Hidden Temptation becomes one of The New York Times bestseller’s top 20. If that happens I could be sued. I can’t afford to be sued even if I become a millionaire. Do I sound materialistic? I’m not it will be nice to not have to worry about money.

 

 

I going top try to give each chapter a title or not. Maybe I’ll write a poem with 28 lines or more. This will make it easier to quote me. Yes, I want my words to be famous before I die.  I’ll keep you posted.

 

Do you like using quotes? Why?

 

After reading this will you still use quotes?

 

I hope my experience helps fellow writers create a higher quality of art. I do not presume that Hidden Temptation is perfect or of professional quality but I do believe it is close. Your opinions, thoughts, and feedback are most welcome. Please feel free to create an open thread and share thoughts, and opinions so that we can help each other grow as a community of writers.

 

Disclaimer:  I completed Hidden Temptation, my first completed novel, and this blog is a humble attempt to create interest in its debut. I am not a professional and this is no way an educational guide.  I am merely sharing my writing experience, what I pick up reading other novels, and what I learn in the process of completing Hidden Temptation.

I Pressed Send Too Soon

In an earlier post, I suggested not to underestimate your readers by being redundant. When it comes to vocabulary I think we should try to avoid talking down to readers by overusing words you need a dictionary to help the reader through a paragraph. For me, that takes away from the story. The writer will lose me and I don’t think that’s a good thing. I have an extensive vocabulary and still there are thousands of words I’m not familiar with. I don’t mind being introduced to new words I just don’t want to be bombarded with them.

 

It’s one thing to sprinkle a word not often used here and there. If the sentence is constructed correctly most people will figure out what the word means. A sentence with several ten-gallon words isn’t going to make your story any more impressive. Yes, it’s about the writing and correct grammar but more so it’s the story. When I read I like to be transported into the world the writer creates. If I have to stop and look up words every few minutes I will be frustrated.

 

As writers, we have to keep in mind that most readers only read at a six-grade level. That’s the level of most newspapers are written in. There are words that are pretty and you just have to use them and that’s okay. I just suggest you spread them around a bit.

 

Do you use words that aren’t used in everyday language in your writing?

Do you think it makes your work more impressive?

 

Last week I shared with you guys that I sent an agent five pages of Hidden Temptation. No, I haven’t heard from them and I know I won’t. I decided to read those five pages and found I still have my tenses screwed up. I know I should have read it before I pressed send. However if she gets to the end of page five she’ll want to know what happens next. That’s a good thing I think.

 

Anyway, I’m editing Hidden Temptation again. I asked my friend, the writer to wait until I finish this edit. I decided to change it back to the present tense and keep their thoughts and memories in past tense.

What do you think?

Do you think that will work?

 

Disclaimer:  I completed Hidden Temptation, my first completed novel and this blog is a humble attempt to create interest in its debut. I am not a professional and this is no way an educational guide.  I am merely sharing my writing experience, what I picked up reading other novels, and what I learned in the process of completing Hidden Temptation.

I hope my experience helps fellow writers create a higher quality of art. I do not presume that Hidden Temptation is perfect or of professional quality but I do believe it is close. Your opinions, thoughts, and feedback are most welcome. Please feel free to create an open thread and share thoughts, and opinions so that we can help each other grow as a community of writers.

Decisions! Decisions!

I am excited, a writer friend who read my writings when I started posting my poem online at Writers Cafe. She gave me honest critiques.

 

She’s going to read Hidden Temptation.  She promises, to be honest with my manuscript.

 

I read this blog post a few days ago  by  Darla G. Denton and she shared a list of publishers who are accepting unsolicited romance novels. Should I or shouldn’t I? Hum!

 

I sent another query  out this past Monday. The agent is new in the field. She requires writers to submit a query letter and the first five pages of their manuscript. Of course, I send it by email so I will only hear from her if she has an interest. It’s a waiting game. There’s plenty of time to hear back before my March 30th target date to self-publish.

 

Decisions! Decisions!

 

As I said previous I am impatient and if I do go with a publishing company it’s going to take time. From what I understand, I will still have to do my own marketing. Does anyone know different? The one thing with a publisher or agent my work will be well polished.  What do you think, would you self-publish or try the traditional way?

 

I’ll keep you posted.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I completed Hidden Temptation, my first completed novel and this blog is a humble attempt to create interest in its debut. I am not a professional and this is no way an educational guide. I am merely sharing my writing experience, what I picked up reading other novels, and what I learned in the process of completing Hidden Temptation.

I hope my experience helps fellow writers create a higher quality of art. I do not presume that Hidden Temptation is perfect or of professional quality but I do believe it is close. Your opinions, thoughts, and feedback are most welcome. Please feel free to create an open thread and share thoughts, and opinions so that we can help each other grow as a community of writers.

What’s it All About?

This is a work in progress. It’s the blurb for the back of Hidden Temptation.  What do you think? I don’t think it will interest anyone.  I can write a story, tell a story and when I tell people what my book is about they say it sounds good.  Only it takes me like five minutes to tell them.

 

Hidden Temptation has fights, sexual abuse, erotic sex, family drama and an “oh wow ending”. Getting all that information in a few lines is the hard part. I want to tell you the whole thing. But if I did that you would have no reason to buy Hidden Temptations because you would have read it.

 

All advice is wanted and accepted.

 

Odette grew up in an abusive environment that created her commitment phobia. Her  family relationship is full of drama. She is close with her older sisters and mother  they refuse to mind their business and she refuses to heed their unsolicited advice about her lifestyle.  To protect herself from having her heart-broken Odette will only have sex with married men.

 

Wilhelm is recently divorced from his adulterous gold digging wife. To keep from paying her a lot in alimony he takes a leave of absence from his accounting firm and starts working for UPS. The first day on the job Wilhelm jumps right into the player’s arena.

 

Wilhelm meets Odette on the first day of his new job. They are attracted to each other but Wilhelm lacks the one thing that would make him attractive to Odette, a wife.

 

Will Wilhelm give up the chase or will Odette surrender to his charms?

 

 

Disclaimer:  I completed Hidden Temptation, my first completed novel and this blog is a humble attempt to create interest in its debut. I am not a professional and this is no way an educational guide.  I am merely sharing my writing experience, what I picked up reading other novels, and what I learned in the process of completing Hidden Temptation.

I hope my experience helps fellow writers create a higher quality of art. I do not presume that Hidden Temptation is perfect or of professional quality but I do believe it is close. Your opinions, thoughts, and feedback are most welcome. Please feel free to create an open thread and share thoughts, and opinions so that we can help each other grow as a community of writers.

Waste of Time


Throw that trash out, it’s not good enough!

Shut the hell up inner voice! All you’re trying to do is discourage me. Those words haunt me now and then. Do they haunt you too?

I worked hard on Hidden Temptation and most of the time I am confident it’s good. I believe once I put it out there people will want to read it. I dream about literary agents finding publishing houses that will have bidding wars over representing me. They will wine and dine me at exclusive for the filthy rich kind of restaurants. I dream of being on The New Time #1 best seller list. I dream of having blurbs in The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. Yes, I have huge dreams for Hidden Temptation.  I worked hard, why not?

In addition to those hubris thoughts, I cower in the corner and ask myself, who the hell do you think you are? Hidden Temptation is a pile of wasted time and effort. Only friends and family will buy it. Maybe, they might not be interested in it either. I think those who do write a review will write horrible one. I should just trash the whole thing. Write my poems post them on Silently Heard Once and do my arts and craft. My grandson asked me when I was going to finish crocheting his blanket. That’s what I should do, make my grandkids their handmade blankets.  Give up this novel-writing and stop wasting my time.

Those thoughts pop into my head now and then. A few months ago I saw this cartoon and I said maybe that’s me.

 

 

Found on Face Book
Found on Facebook

 


Some times I have this feeling that something great is in store for me. I wake up and think one day my dream are going to come true. Like I’ve said many times, ‘feelings, they come and go.’

Hidden Temptation is a love story it doesn’t have a profound hidden message. It’s just a fiction novel.  Maybe it is crap but I owe it to myself to put it on the market and let you guys decide. 

It is What it Was

A lesson I learned from blogging was to be aware of my tenses. For me, it was and still is a major hurdle for me to jump. I get confused and apparently the reader who pointed out I was mixing my tenses got confused too.

 

 

When I started Hidden Temptation I started writing it in the present tense. It proved to be a little difficult.  In Hidden Temptation, there are a few flashbacks, more like memories that are in the past tense. I’ve questioned other writers on a Facebook forum. I was told many writers mix their tenses in their novels. I, however, was mixing my tenses in the same sentences.  I guess that was why agents didn’t respond to my queries. I appeared to be a novice.  This was why I had to edit Hidden Temptation for the seventh time.

 

 

No matter how good your story line is, if you grammar isn’t correct you will have difficulty getting readers to read past the first page. Not completely true, because my friends who read Hidden Temptation didn’t mention it.  But then I discovered not all my readers were honest. I mentioned in an earlier post that I read a friend’s book with errors falling off the pages.  The writer told me their spouse edited for them. You would think your spouse would be honest.

 

 

After I took a couple of classes and read a few books. I wrote two screenplays about twenty years ago.  Writing a script was like writing a short story.  I learned that one page equals one minute.  You have twenty minutes, give or take to capture a viewer’s attention. If you fail to pique their interest in that time they will probably change the channel.

 

 

I don’t know how many pages an average reader will read before they close a book, they deem poorly written.  I’m not an average reader because I will continue to read a poorly written story and one not too compelling because I’m attached to the characters and/or the writer introduced the dilemma early. I would read a poorly written book to the end because my curiosity was piqued. I would shake my head and re-write as read though.

 

So tell me, do you read poorly written books because you want to find out what happens? Do you have difficulty with tenses? Do you have any tricks to help you correct your tenses?

 

Visit next Tuesday I’m going to tell you about

Disclaimer:  I completed Hidden Temptation, my first completed novel and this blog is a humble attempt to create interest in its debut. I am not a professional and this is no way an educational guide.  I am merely sharing my writing experience, what I picked up reading other novels, and what I learned in the process of completing Hidden Temptation.

I hope my experience helps fellow writers create a higher quality of art. I do not presume that Hidden Temptation is perfect or of professional quality but I do believe it is close. Your opinions, thoughts, and feedback are most welcome. Please feel free to create an open thread and share thoughts, and opinions so that we can help each other grow as a community of writers.