Not Another Blurb

I know I should be blogging more but life is busy these days. I want to get my blurb just right. I wrote another and really hope that you guys will give me some honest feed back. Does is make you interest enough to want to read Hidden Temptation? No? What will make it more appealing? Need more? Remember Odette only dates married men and Wilhelm was recently divorced and plans on being a player. Should that be included in the blurb.

 

Odette is a strong independent woman who is emotionally scarred. She hides behind a wall preventing her from finding a meaningful relationship. That is until she meets the new UPS guy delivering to her office. Wilhelm is battling his own demons.

Both of them face challenges with self-absorbed lovers and overly involved family members. Odette is also having disagreements with the new office manager at her job, which is more of an annoyance then a problem.

Despite all their best efforts to avoid falling for each other, Odette and Wilhelm find themselves becoming attracted.

Can they overcome each other’s well-built walls of self-protection? Or will they once again fail to let their hearts feel what love is?  (thanks Jackie- see comments)

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27 thoughts on “Not Another Blurb

  1. IMHO you give away a little too much here. My plan would be to sketch the briefest of introductions to the plot, intrigue and tease the casual reader and leave the curious enough to want to investigate what happens next.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Odette has had more than her share of heartache. She decides that If she dates anyone these days, he has to be happily married and planning to stay that way. All they both want are a few laughs, a few nights of passion, no strings attached. She has sworn not to get deeply involved ever again.

    And then she meets the new UPS guy delivering to her office. Unfortunately he is a divorcé.

    And that’s only the start …

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I based this on what I’ve gleaned from your earlier posts.

        MISTAKE: “leave the curious” should have been “leave them curious”. 😳

        Thank you for approving my effort. Glad you liked it. No copyright involved. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m afraid you leave me baffled, Kim. Do please clarify. I just meant that if you wish to use (a part of) my suggested blurb then you are free to do so.

        Like

  2. “Both of them face challenges with self-absorbed lovers… etc…”

    Just a little thing, Kim; maybe not even worth mentioning.. 😉
    You could say – Both Odette and Wilhelm face challenges, etc.. or
    They both face challenges, etc…

    I love the ‘questions’.. keeps the reader ‘engaged’…
    Now I’m interested! 🙂
    xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m going to agree with Jackie here. You have to clean up that line (involved?) and add a question to the end. I think just one will do. I like the use of buzz words for the reader draw. Can you find a use for obsessed, obsession, shared obsession or something similar? The crux of the story lies where? The relationship? Then the one word that would sum it up? – volatile, insecure? You need to find the one thing that lets the reader know what to expect but not how to expect it. Sharpen up that pencil Kim. You are a master wordsmith! Hugs. (I know this is tough)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is tough Lesley! 😦 stomping my feet. The only person obsessed is the office manager who is jealous of Odette. He only has the position because Odette didn’t want it. Wilhelm is obsessed to sleep with as many women as possible. Okay I’ll sharpen the pencils. :-/

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Stomping feet is good. That was just an idea. You have an extensive vocabulary. Within your poetry you demand the reader to feel… Do the same here. I like Wilhelm’s obsession. It could work. What is her worst character trait? Include it somehow. Selfish, confused, bitchy, elusive, haughty. Oh so many to name.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s not bad, Kim but I do think it could be better. You need to get the reader involved. Asking a question on the end is a good way of doing that. And one thing that is kind of confusing (could be just me) is this part…..
    Both of them face challenges with lovers self-absorbed lovers and overly evolved family.

    Maybe its the way it’s stated or something….hmmm…..or maybe it just needs a comma. ha!

    either leave off the first ‘lovers’ and just keep ‘self-absorbed lovers’ and overly evolved family. Although I’m not sure what ‘overly evolved’ means in this context.

    How about something like this:

    Odette is a strong independent woman who is emotionally scared. She hides behind a wall preventing her from finding a meaningful relationship. That is until she meets the new UPS guy, Wilhelm.

    Wilhelm is battling his own inner demons.

    Both of them face challenges with self-absorbed lovers and overly (protective)? evolved family. Despite all their best efforts not to get involved with each other, Odette and Wilhelm find themselves growing attracted to each other.

    Can they overcome each other’s well-built walls of self-protection? Or will they once again fail to let their hearts feel what love is?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I could fax myself to you and hug you! The first lovers was a left over from cuting and pasting. and it should be overly involved family. Odettes sisters want her to find a man that’s not married. Wilhelm’s mother doesn’t belive the things Wilhelm says about his ex. The ending question is wonerful. I was convincing myself not to pitch to the Random House editor. You gave me a shot of confidence. I believe in my book again. Thank you!!!!

      Like

      1. Well, a virtual hug will do! ha! I’m glad I helped in some small way. I know blurbs are hard to do. I’m sure your’s will be fine after a bit of tweaking. Go pitch for your book, Kim! You deserve a shot! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      1. No, I’m not. Its my first impression, I’m not really one to read that kind of story but I found the concept interesting. That’s unusual Lol 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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